Story

So everything started with this picture. My Taiwanese friend S recently changed her profile picture on facebook to this one.



Seeing this picture, I felt confused, surprised and a little astonished. And the following is what I wrote on her wall:

"This picture is whom mocking whom?...Ironically, the whole visual style reminds me of Mao's propaganda posters in 1960's. If Mao is the subject being mocked, why is his cruel and drastic aesthetics being borrowed here? Isn't the use of "fei" indicating that new Taiwanese youths are still following Chiang Kai-shek's opinion on history, Mao, and China, whereas Chiang is the one that Taiwan wants to turn against and wipe out of history?

...Sorry that I'm not being critical of the epistemology of the message indicated by this picture, but I find it ironical in its reconfiguration of meanings. Indeed, the Chinese can probably use the exact same picture to mock the incredibly drastic view of history and reality from contemporary Taiwanese young people. ...Sorry, it's not really targeted against you as a personal message. And I hope that you may appreciate different views."

Here is what she replied:
"yes you didn't interpret the image in a wrong way.
It is designd by Freddy, the leader of 青年逆轉總部.
And it indeed borrows the aesthetic of early KMT during Chiang's reign (the image, style of words, and the color) to give an ironic portrayal of our president Ma.
If he is really following his predecesors' path, then why is he doing the totally ... Read Moreopposite things?

While we were still children, the KMT taught us that "漢賊不兩立" but it is also them eargerly promoting the union with China now. So this image is just pointing out how ridiculous those KMT are..."

Several days later, I received this message from her:
"Dear Grace~~
I'm gonna upload some pictures taken from the 1025 parade on my facebook. And some words/slogan may seem harsh (to China). I don't have too many Chinese friends but I don't wanna hurt anyone of them ha! So please understand the target of the parade is the China government who keeps threatening Taiwanese with hundreds of missiles(and also Ma Ying-Ju)instead of any of the personal friends!! ^^"

What am I supposed to say? I guess the thing that I learned most in Peggy's class is that everybody is a social-cultural being. That is, the collective identity is necessarily a part of the individual identity. Taiwan,Taiwanese; China, Chinese. Can't deny, can't escape. What would happen if our collective identities are enemies with each other? Can we still go across the boundary? I replied:

"Understood. =P It's really considerate for you to send this message to me. You know, if I was a Taiwanese, I would have probably done the same thing, joining in the parade. And I do have strong sympathy on Taiwanese people.

I, however, sometimes don't really appreciate this whole thing going to a drastic extreme pole. Many Taiwanese people in my life (not including you), can't tell the difference between hating the Chinese nation-state regime and the Chinese culture/people. Lots of incidents. I remember when we were eating together on a Chinese New Year's meal, one Taiwanese friend mentioned some customs that they practiced during the New Year. Out of impulse, I said it was what we did at home too. Awkwardly, the whole table went silent hearing this. I guess they assumed that I was claiming that we shared the same culture and thus, China was the origin while Taiwan was a follower. I kept my mouth shut throughout the whole meal then. Imagine the whole scene, what a perfect moment for a movie. In fact, I found it really hard to make any Taiwanese friends. A careless joke can deeply hurt both of us.

I understand that the Taiwanese identity is necessarily building on the idea of being different, but sometimes it scares me as how it can torture notions of humanity and history. As human beings, people of different ethnicity and countries share lots of things in common, let alone two people with such close culture relationships. And why claiming one's identity has to tear up this layer of cultural connection, denying the various similarities that we all have?

Well, I guess that I've spoken too much again. =P And I do feel sorry for Taiwan people because of the coercive control from China's nation-state. I wish these boiling days will be over soon. =P"

I don't know if I was being overtly sensitive or emotional. I just hate having to be so cautious when talking to a Taiwanese friend, to make sure that I'm not hurting their dignity. And, how ironically, it was a Chinese New Year's meal. Why do you even bother to celebrate something "Chinese", if all you want to do is to drastically break away from the tradition? Identity itself is full of self-contradiction and fragmented moments. To acknowledge it takes one a lot of courage.

Why notions of humanity, history and culture have to be the victims of fighting for the national identity? When I watch Hou Hsiao-Hsian's Three Times, can I just say that he vividly portray three love stories that happen at different time periods of China? Do I have to make the politically-right statement that it is about Taiwanese culture, not Chinese, whereas the truth is that a lot of his imagination for the movie came from his understanding of Chinese culture? Ultimately, can one definitively separate the two?

Then, here comes the photos from the parade. I was inspired by their passion for fighting for independence, as well as, overwhelmed by the hatred and viciousness for their enemy.



Why in Japanese? Nostalgic for the Japanese colonial time? Indicating that it is better to be a Japanese colony than anything else? Sorry, maybe I'm being vicious.



Below this picture, I commented something like even panda is victimized and politicized. Of course, I was then reminded who politicized this cute animal first - the Chinese themselves.

In response, she wrote back:
"You're right that the poor animal is so victimized.
But think it in the other way, it's the only way to voice our identity to the public/world. We can't even bring our national flag to the Olympic and any kind of international events!! So the animosity is actually from the pain of being denied by the world. And I am really thankful for your understanding and support. I really wish someday China will understand the fact that we're indeed an independent country then probably both countries can have a real diplomatic relationship instead of being filled with animosity in between..."

One picture she deleted later. And that was the picture that really showed how pernicious this war can be. Basically, it was someone holding a slogan, written "支那男妾"，insinuating their current President. "支那", such a denigrating term. The disdainful slang that the Japanese and the West used to denounce China and the Chinese. Look at who is using it now?! I can't hold myself from feeling upset. Why fighting for independence means viciously attacking the other? Is this resentment going to be curing and relieving for Taiwan? Just like the apartheid in South Africa, it is going to be a scar, a wound for both people. Unforgettable, unbearable.

She replied:

"hello 葛瑞絲小姐,
it's my response about the "男妾" image.
I've decided to delete the picture and sent you the reply privately.

==
yap i've hesitated a while to upload this picture.
But I still do, just to point out that everytime while the China Government says "the small group of pro-independent Taiwanese are hurting the friendship between Taiwan and China," how they deny our existence in the world also hurt the general Taiwanese. The hatred doesn't come from nowhere. There's a huge pain tied with it. 神說要愛你的敵人真的很難耶, 尤其是當生存的威脅都還存在的時候...
==
喔喔談政治真是太傷感情了, 還是要用一下母語才有語言的熱度
(英文是做研究的語言~~)
不過很感激你這麼體諒耶!!!
你來台灣一定請你吃好吃的帶你去看海"

I wanted to go to Taiwan before, to the place that I could have been born at. The place, where most of my family left Shanghai for. I don't know if I want to go anymore, because I'm afraid that I would be suffocated in the heaviness of emotions.

I'm still one of the few liberal Chinese who support Taiwan's independent national existence. I, however, feel frustrated, sad, and hurt from what I saw and heard. Unresolved. Think carefully before you put any comments or questions, no matter which side you are on.