Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Something Random



We were doing yoga. There was a particular difficult thing that the teacher asked us to do. So hard that the guy beside me couldn't help laughing out a bit. I guess the laughter means that this gesture is really out of his range. Of course everyone heard this laughter. Then the teacher stopped to say : "Laugh is good. Feel free to laugh." Then I started to think why laugh is encouraged; is the teacher saying that our inner emotions should be flown out naturally; but what I really wanted to do at that moment was crying (for reasons other than the difficult yoga); and if I did let tears burst out, am I putting myself in a very awkward situation; is it that in our consciousness, being sad is a shameful thing, whereas being happy is natural; is it that crying in public is a signal of begging for sympathy, even though I don't really need any. And instantly I was occupied by these rational thoughts, and the peak of sadness eventually evaded me.

I found I was subconsciously watching my thoughts and emotions in yoga.

I'm troubled by the question to what extent, one may give up ones opinion to others; and to what extent this compromise would really hurt one's self-esteem. Yes, I am that one.

I've been eating Korean food for a whole day. Korean food is such an interesting thing: if I haven't had it for a while, I would miss that spicyness crazily; and if I had it for two meals in a row, I would think this spicyness is so plain and dominant that the real veggies and meat loses their nature.

I guess I'm getting a little sentimental recently. Maybe because I'm going to be 25 soon. A quarter of a century. Wow.

Sunday, October 7, 2007

Bloody Lesson


I was murdered in the ethnography class. The lesson to learn is never say anything that is not for an altruistic purpose about my academic research. It's always about what is right for the research not for myself. Class presentation is never a private space. Any trivial fishy thing maybe exaggerated in the discussion dynamics.