Story

So everything started with this picture. My Taiwanese friend S recently changed her profile picture on facebook to this one.



Seeing this picture, I felt confused, surprised and a little astonished. And the following is what I wrote on her wall:

"This picture is whom mocking whom?...Ironically, the whole visual style reminds me of Mao's propaganda posters in 1960's. If Mao is the subject being mocked, why is his cruel and drastic aesthetics being borrowed here? Isn't the use of "fei" indicating that new Taiwanese youths are still following Chiang Kai-shek's opinion on history, Mao, and China, whereas Chiang is the one that Taiwan wants to turn against and wipe out of history?

...Sorry that I'm not being critical of the epistemology of the message indicated by this picture, but I find it ironical in its reconfiguration of meanings. Indeed, the Chinese can probably use the exact same picture to mock the incredibly drastic view of history and reality from contemporary Taiwanese young people. ...Sorry, it's not really targeted against you as a personal message. And I hope that you may appreciate different views."

Here is what she replied:
"yes you didn't interpret the image in a wrong way.
It is designd by Freddy, the leader of 青年逆轉總部.
And it indeed borrows the aesthetic of early KMT during Chiang's reign (the image, style of words, and the color) to give an ironic portrayal of our president Ma.
If he is really following his predecesors' path, then why is he doing the totally ... Read Moreopposite things?

While we were still children, the KMT taught us that "漢賊不兩立" but it is also them eargerly promoting the union with China now. So this image is just pointing out how ridiculous those KMT are..."

Several days later, I received this message from her:
"Dear Grace~~
I'm gonna upload some pictures taken from the 1025 parade on my facebook. And some words/slogan may seem harsh (to China). I don't have too many Chinese friends but I don't wanna hurt anyone of them ha! So please understand the target of the parade is the China government who keeps threatening Taiwanese with hundreds of missiles(and also Ma Ying-Ju)instead of any of the personal friends!! ^^"

What am I supposed to say? I guess the thing that I learned most in Peggy's class is that everybody is a social-cultural being. That is, the collective identity is necessarily a part of the individual identity. Taiwan,Taiwanese; China, Chinese. Can't deny, can't escape. What would happen if our collective identities are enemies with each other? Can we still go across the boundary? I replied:

"Understood. =P It's really considerate for you to send this message to me. You know, if I was a Taiwanese, I would have probably done the same thing, joining in the parade. And I do have strong sympathy on Taiwanese people.

I, however, sometimes don't really appreciate this whole thing going to a drastic extreme pole. Many Taiwanese people in my life (not including you), can't tell the difference between hating the Chinese nation-state regime and the Chinese culture/people. Lots of incidents. I remember when we were eating together on a Chinese New Year's meal, one Taiwanese friend mentioned some customs that they practiced during the New Year. Out of impulse, I said it was what we did at home too. Awkwardly, the whole table went silent hearing this. I guess they assumed that I was claiming that we shared the same culture and thus, China was the origin while Taiwan was a follower. I kept my mouth shut throughout the whole meal then. Imagine the whole scene, what a perfect moment for a movie. In fact, I found it really hard to make any Taiwanese friends. A careless joke can deeply hurt both of us.

I understand that the Taiwanese identity is necessarily building on the idea of being different, but sometimes it scares me as how it can torture notions of humanity and history. As human beings, people of different ethnicity and countries share lots of things in common, let alone two people with such close culture relationships. And why claiming one's identity has to tear up this layer of cultural connection, denying the various similarities that we all have?

Well, I guess that I've spoken too much again. =P And I do feel sorry for Taiwan people because of the coercive control from China's nation-state. I wish these boiling days will be over soon. =P"

I don't know if I was being overtly sensitive or emotional. I just hate having to be so cautious when talking to a Taiwanese friend, to make sure that I'm not hurting their dignity. And, how ironically, it was a Chinese New Year's meal. Why do you even bother to celebrate something "Chinese", if all you want to do is to drastically break away from the tradition? Identity itself is full of self-contradiction and fragmented moments. To acknowledge it takes one a lot of courage.

Why notions of humanity, history and culture have to be the victims of fighting for the national identity? When I watch Hou Hsiao-Hsian's Three Times, can I just say that he vividly portray three love stories that happen at different time periods of China? Do I have to make the politically-right statement that it is about Taiwanese culture, not Chinese, whereas the truth is that a lot of his imagination for the movie came from his understanding of Chinese culture? Ultimately, can one definitively separate the two?

Then, here comes the photos from the parade. I was inspired by their passion for fighting for independence, as well as, overwhelmed by the hatred and viciousness for their enemy.



Why in Japanese? Nostalgic for the Japanese colonial time? Indicating that it is better to be a Japanese colony than anything else? Sorry, maybe I'm being vicious.



Below this picture, I commented something like even panda is victimized and politicized. Of course, I was then reminded who politicized this cute animal first - the Chinese themselves.

In response, she wrote back:
"You're right that the poor animal is so victimized.
But think it in the other way, it's the only way to voice our identity to the public/world. We can't even bring our national flag to the Olympic and any kind of international events!! So the animosity is actually from the pain of being denied by the world. And I am really thankful for your understanding and support. I really wish someday China will understand the fact that we're indeed an independent country then probably both countries can have a real diplomatic relationship instead of being filled with animosity in between..."

One picture she deleted later. And that was the picture that really showed how pernicious this war can be. Basically, it was someone holding a slogan, written "支那男妾"，insinuating their current President. "支那", such a denigrating term. The disdainful slang that the Japanese and the West used to denounce China and the Chinese. Look at who is using it now?! I can't hold myself from feeling upset. Why fighting for independence means viciously attacking the other? Is this resentment going to be curing and relieving for Taiwan? Just like the apartheid in South Africa, it is going to be a scar, a wound for both people. Unforgettable, unbearable.

She replied:

"hello 葛瑞絲小姐,
it's my response about the "男妾" image.
I've decided to delete the picture and sent you the reply privately.

==
yap i've hesitated a while to upload this picture.
But I still do, just to point out that everytime while the China Government says "the small group of pro-independent Taiwanese are hurting the friendship between Taiwan and China," how they deny our existence in the world also hurt the general Taiwanese. The hatred doesn't come from nowhere. There's a huge pain tied with it. 神說要愛你的敵人真的很難耶, 尤其是當生存的威脅都還存在的時候...
==
喔喔談政治真是太傷感情了, 還是要用一下母語才有語言的熱度
(英文是做研究的語言~~)
不過很感激你這麼體諒耶!!!
你來台灣一定請你吃好吃的帶你去看海"

I wanted to go to Taiwan before, to the place that I could have been born at. The place, where most of my family left Shanghai for. I don't know if I want to go anymore, because I'm afraid that I would be suffocated in the heaviness of emotions.

I'm still one of the few liberal Chinese who support Taiwan's independent national existence. I, however, feel frustrated, sad, and hurt from what I saw and heard. Unresolved. Think carefully before you put any comments or questions, no matter which side you are on.

The Duchess

This is a movie that outrageous feminists would throw stones at the screen; or, another possibility could be - they would teach their students and daughters that this is such a representative example of how British women in 1800's were victims of a patriarchal society. Unfortunately, I am not, but one of them.

This is a story about a woman who was defeated by everything. The moment she agreed her mother's choice of an arranged marriage to the Duke without trying to explore and understand the meaning of love, she has already succumbed to her mother's and the society's imposed authority. Of course, you may also interpret this as her innocence at the time. She was then, sooner than expected, insulted by her husband's treat of her, which was entirely valued by her ability to give birth to a male heir. Sex is a battlefield, while every sex is a rape with humiliation. When the Duke took off her clothes, looking at her nude standing body with extreme coldness and apathy on the wedding night, she was full of fear and shame. So what? Instead of trying to conquer the fear and shame, she chose to conform to and live by it, considering them as necessary feelings accompanied every marriage and relationship.

Whereas she has been considered as a possession for her husband, the Duke never truly belongs to her. Still, she has to learn to not care, to be apathetic, and numb with the Duke's presence with other women. When the life found out that there was still a chance to pursue love, she then found that her life was already in the Duke's hand. In the end, it seemed that her children was the bottomline that she couldn't afford to lose. I have no problem till this part. What can I say about a woman's motherly nature.

But then, the really ridiculous thing happened - after all the torture that she has suffered from, she found eventual satisfaction in her life through her children and the friendship with her husband's lover! The ending seems to indicate that there is a genuine chance she and the Duke can forgive each other. How could that be possible? How could she forget and forgive, pretending nothing has happened? And how could she rediscover loyalty and trust in the Duke again? She and Charles Grey, her lover and the later British Prime Minister, smiled at each other with guilty at a party when everything was over, as if they shouldn't have fallen in love with each other, and it was no more than a wild crazy dream that everybody would have had when they were young, which was so disturbing to the real life. What has exactly made her feel so? This is just totally unimaginable to me.

Ebert commented that this was not a typical Jane Austen's light-hearted love movie, but a movie of realists. Realists in what sense? People dare not face their honest feelings and can magically start to forgive and appreciate the ones that once destroyed their life? In addition, Kiera Knightley is a little bit overtly done, too flirtatious. The movie totally doesn't reveal how a woman gets changed and aged from an innocent teenager girl to a mid-age woman that has to endure emotional traumas.

I watched this movie on my 26th birthday night, with the purpose that by loving or hating the movie I may get distracted from thinking about my own life. I guess the movie was pretty successful in that, coz I spent the rest of my night indigenous with the storyline.

1

她发现她和库切一样，人生总是处在逃离和回归之中。

逃离那个时间和空间的核心。

她要抹灭一切那个时间和空间带来的痕迹。她要变成一个没有口音，历史，年龄还有相貌的特殊特征的人。

就是要这么残忍地刻化出这段空间来,否则她会被那个核心所吞没咀嚼。

就象库切从南非逃到英格兰，为了可以逃离权力, 从而得到权力; 为了逃离无法解释的青春和人性，从而得到对耻辱和成长的淡忘; 为了弥补时间的横轴所不能化解的，要纵深地理的纵轴.

就象库切莫名其妙地到了伦敦的IBM里终日面对着数字和编码, 她到美国中西部的小镇上的校园的某个角落，终日在同样的电脑屏幕前研究文化理论.

逃离是一种信念和动力.

她甚至开始寻找在澳洲工作的机会.要让空间的多样性模糊单调的自我.

就象妥斯妥耶夫斯基说惩罚是上瘾的, 通过逃离和寻找边缘化来惩罚自己与生俱来的也是上瘾的.

为什么要逃离呢, 是因为她知道她本质上是无法逃离的, 还是，因为官冕堂皇地说因为距离的存在才能产生深刻的思考呢.

内心深处，她知道她和库切一样地怯懦.


库切是这样追寻回归的.

他不复其繁地用极为枯燥以至于文化理论都变得生动了，以至于不得不极其集中的思想阅读的，又突然间夹杂着非常震撼的片刻的语言, 描写一个悲凉的，与人性的种种卑劣和惰性斗争的，拥有着复杂的社会矛盾的，老人寻求原谅和道歉被年轻人用暴力手段所拒绝的南非.

她象库切一样，每每构思起一个故事或者梦醒在某一个不能释怀的部落的时候，总是回到那个原点.

为什么要用这种非正大光明和痛苦的方式来追求回归呢，她鄙视自己的懦弱。

可是凭什么说回归的意义和方式是绝对的呢.

问题是，存在这逃离和回归的交错中，是一种幸福合理的生活状态么.

Red

Being a Chinese means that red is a color with thick and complex inscribed meanings;a lot of times, it is a color that carries itself with imposition and even oppression. So heavy cultural connotation, both good and bad - nationalism, culturalism, revolution, folk, and the chauvinist idea that red is a woman's color. I always run away from red as much as possible. There is no single piece of red in my closet, for that's a color I can't personalize and manipulate.

I firstly watched the movie "Red" during my teenage hood. For the first time, red seemed to be such a warm and sensational color. The French girl against the red drop can be so real and pretty. I didn't understand much of the movie at the time. And last night, when I was trying to watch it again, after the amusing presidential debate, with a challenging academic book in hand, I sadly found that I've not moved too much from the time when I was a teenager.

I did, however, enjoy greatly reading Ebert's review on the Kieslowski's Tricolor afterwords. Once again, sadly, as visual images don't force a single interpretation by sparing use of language, I was not able to come up with my own understanding. Ebert's description endows a significant level of specificity by giving a live consciousness to the movie.

Here are some quotes that I really like:
"As a young man this judge was was once in love, lost that love, and has lived on hold ever since. He all but caresses his emotional wounds. Although at first he rudely turns Valentine away, slowly he begins to tell her his story. There is a moment in "Red" where Valentine leans forward to listen with such attention and sympathy that she seems at prayer. Only gradually do we learn that the story of the judge and his lost love reveals parallels with the story of Valentine and her lover who is always absent, and with the life of a young law student who lives across from her apartment in the city--a student she has never met.

On another timeline, in a parallel universe, the judge and Valentine might have themselves fallen in love. They missed being the same age by only 40 years or so. Now that Hubble has seen back to the dawn of time, that doesn't seem a great many years. There is a passage in one of Loren Eiseley's books where he climbs down a crevice in the desert and finds himself looking at the skull of one of man's early descendants, who gazes back at him over countless centuries. He reflects that from a cosmological perspective, they lived at almost the same instant."

-- I actually think Wang Kar-Wai does a better job in presenting various impossibilities and barriers of time and space. =P

"In the trilogy, "Blue" is the anti-tragedy, "White" is the anti-comedy, and "Red" is the anti-romance. All three films hook us with immediate narrative interest. They are metaphysical through example, not theory: Kieslowski tells the parable but doesn't preach the lesson. It's the same with his "Decalogue," where each film is based on one of the Ten Commandments, but it is not always possible to say which commandment, or precisely what the film is saying about it. I know this because I taught "The Decalogue" in a film class, where we discovered that the order of the commandments differs slightly in the Jewish, Catholic and Protestant versions. "And in the Kieslowski version," a student sighed.

In the same elusive way, using symbolism that only seems to be helpful, "Blue," "White" and "Red" stand for the three colors of the French tricolor, representing liberty, equality and fraternity. Juliette Binoche, in "Blue," has the liberty, after her loss of husband and child, to start life again, or not at all. Zbigniew Zamachowski, in "White," is dropped by his beautiful wife (Julie Delpy) after he goes to a great deal of trouble to move her to Paris. Back home in Poland, he wants to make millions so that he can be her equal, and have his revenge. Valentine and the old judge in "Red" have a fraternity of souls that springs across barriers of time and gender because they both have the imagination to appreciate what could have been.

There is also, lurking unsaid, the possibility that this Prospero, so intent on studying the lives of his neighbors without involving himself, might be the catalyst for one final act of magic involving Valentine and that young man who lives across from her. That young man who might have been him, or, this being Kieslowski, might actually be him, his timelines overlapping slightly and specific details of course altered by circumstances.

The Columbia University professor and film critic Annette Insdorf, who knew Kieslowski well and often translated for him, says, "It's rare that you say about some film director, 'What a good man.' But he was. Very by-the-way, emotional, very non-sentimental, dry in his wit and in his bearing, but he really made an impression." Her book, Double Lives, Second Chances: The Cinema of Krzysztof Kieslowski, provides the key to his work in its title. Kieslowski almost never made a film about characters who lacked choices. Indeed, his films were usually about their choices, how they arrived at them, and the close connections they made or missed."

Stories are about lives. That is the difference between films for children and films for adults. Kieslowski celebrates intersecting timelines and lifelines, choices made and unmade. All his films ask why, since God gave us free will, movie directors go to such trouble to take it away. "Kieslowski truly loved his characters and invites us into a poignant awareness of both our limitations and our capacity for transcendence," Insdorf says, and you can feel that in the tenderness of every frame. The old judge in "Red" is harsh and dismissive, but with the sense that it hurts him, not entertains him, to treat Valentine so harshly. We see him like so many of Kieslowski's characters, swimming upward through a suffocating life toward the possibility that hope still floats somewhere above.

I connect strongly with Kieslowski because I sometimes seek a whiff of transcendence by revisiting places from earlier years. I am thinking now of a cafe in Venice, a low cliff overlooking the sea near Donegal, a bookstore in Cape Town and Sir John Soane's breakfast room in London. I am drawn to them in the spirit of pilgrimage. No one else can see the shadows of my former and future visits there, or know how they are the touchstones of my mortality, but if some day as I approach the cafe, I see myself just getting up to leave, I will not be surprised to have missed myself by so little."
--This is such an aesthetic project. I often feel the same way.