I was rushing out of Huff, and Carla stopped me: "Hey, where are you going to, Grace?" "I'm going to Yoga." I don't know if I should feel bad or good or proud or guilty at 2:00 pm on Wednesday. Shouldn't I stay in office and do some work? Anyway, my honesty has already blunted any possibility of making up another answer. Carla replied with excitement: "Oh, I'll join in you guys sometime. I need some PEACE."
Why people always associate doing yoga with looking for peace? It seems even my yoga teacher thinks so too. She tells us to empty our thoughts, imagining they are green leaves floating on a clear stream that you can't touch or change them but let freely them flow. But for me, every time after my body is twisted, stretched and "tortured" to a certain extent, at first my mind may turn blank yet soon, endless thoughts would flood in. Those thoughts are quite intuitive, oftentimes bringing me to some remote part of my heart and memory that I wouldn't be able to reach and rationalize in the conscious time. They are not logical and consistent, but the imageries there are so clear and truthful. The library building in my undergraduate school, butterfly on the green grass, friend I've lost contact for a long time, Daddy, my little red skirt,3-year-old me,etc and etc. I am surrounded by those moments of memories, and I'm swimming in there. The past, full of pains and mistakes, is no longer fierce and fearful. In this gentle and perhaps "peaceful" mood, I feel I'm able to embrace and smiling at the history.
Unfortunately at this moment, the teacher would often say "Once your mind catch any thought, imagine the word 'on'in your brain. Let the word swirl." But I just want the thoughts control me and overwhelm me that I'm able to visit feelings and images I will only have in my dream, which however would dissolve once they meet the air of real life. I guess I can never do really well in yoga because my mind is never clear and as a reflection of that, my body is not perfectly balanced.
My Yoga teacher is Jenn Allen. She is a really nice patient lady. Every time after practice, she would tell us to sit and bow, murmuring to the ground, ourselves and everybody: "Shanti,shanti,shanti." (which means "thanks" in Indian, I'm not sure if my spelling is right.) So humble.
Shanti,shanti,shanti.
3 comments:
Meditating is very difficult.
To force one's mind to go blank is a difficult thing. I find meditation in Kendo helps me not so much blank out, but rather force out the worries of the world, and focus on Kendo.
Maybe in your meditation you shouldn't worry so much about making your mind go blank, and rather focus on the task at hand. Or possibly try and relax yourself, relaxing is a hard thing to do.
Even in Kendo one of my biggest problems is relaxing. Maybe I can think about that more in my meditations.
Relaaaaaax... How long have you been doing yoga now? A couple of months?
I doubt achieving inner peace is that easy. Otherwise there would a lot more non-unhappy people around.
Maybe you need someone to hit you on the head to help keep your mind blank. 當頭棒喝。^_~
I'm not upset by not being able to meditate well in yoga so much. I guess I'm more concerned with what yoga brings to me in other parts of life than being a good yoga doer.
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